Funny Pictures, Funny Videos, Funny Stories

it’s a long story but keaton got us involved in scotch futures (buy a share of a barrel now and get four bottles in eight years).
it sounds kind of russian-mafia shakey to be honest, but we love a good, peaty scotch, so what the hey.
anyway, i think what sold keaton on the investment was the desciption of the young scotch, octomore, that is aging to become a future libation of the bob and keaton household.

the description: “intense smoke on the nose and palate, with notes of freshly tarred road, cigar smoke & ash, licorice root, bacon fat, kalamata olive & smoked seaweed. struggling to emerge are youthful orchard fruit, honeyed malt, brine & soft vanilla. long, smoky finish – like licking the walls of a peat-infused kiln. a very invigorating whisky. i think octomore will be very good in another 5 years, and amazing after another 10.”

“freshly tarred road”, “bacon fat”, not just any old seaweed, “smoked seaweed”, “licking the walls of a peat-infused kiln”.
are you kdding me?
did we just invest in scotch or a lost hemingway manuscript?
who are these people who write these things?

i have just got to get me one of these jobs!

in fact, let me demonstrate my talent for such.
it just so happens that yesterday i bottled six cases of home brewed beer.
let me describe it to you.

“flirtatious vidalia sweetness to the nose and palate, with traces of musty floor dust, dried mouse bits, spilled coffee and freshly read sports page. Struggling to emerge are rare irish moss, really expensive hops and second choice grains. a long, pensive finish of earthy root—akin to chewing on rotted casket pine. i think this beer is somewhat drinkable today but will emerge to become a great compost emulsifier three weeks from now.”

where do i sign the job offer?