post Category: Actual Humor post Comments (0) postDecember 11, 2008

Merry Fitzmas, DUmmies! It’s here, the day you’ve been waiting for, for all these many business months! Only it’s not Karl Rove doing the frog-march. It’s a DEMOCRAT, longtime Obambi ally, Illinois Gov. Rod “I want to make money” Blagojevich. “A political corruption crime spree,” a “staggering” level of corruption, “a truly new low”–that’s how Fitzie described Blago’s expletive-laced pay-to-play plotting caught on tape. Yet in the face of MASSIVE evidence of Blago’s blatant bribe-seeking–even trying to SELL Obambi’s vacant Senate seat–SOME DUmmies think it’s just Rethuglican persecution, or else they minimize what Blagojevich did by saying Rethugs do much worse and don’t get prosecuted (both points wrong). There are TONS of Blago threads going on right now over in DUmmieland, but I’m just going to pick one, this THREAD, “Source: Feds take Gov. Blagojevich into custody.”

But before we go to the thread, this Blago business calls for resurrecting and revising some Fitzmas carols from Fitzmases Past. You know, THE Fitzmas, May 12, 2006, when Will Pitt and Jason Leopold of truthout.org ASSURED the DUmmies that Karl Rove had secretly been indicted. WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Freudenschade, baby! Only . . . King Karl never did the perp-walk! Wha’ hoppen, boys? Well, now, a REAL Fitzmas finally has arrived, but not the way the DUmmies were hoping for! So click the music link and sing along!

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE FITZMAS (DUmmies, look, it’s here!)
Tune: “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”

It’s beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
DUmmies, look, it’s here!
But what’s bothering all of them
Th’ indictment’s against a Dem
Now fire’s blazing in the Blago-sphere!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Prison after probe
But what’s getting them all agog
The guy marching like a frog
Isn’t named Karl Rove

In May of 2006
An indictment that sticks
Was the scoop from Jason and Will
“Sealed vs. Sealed”
Was the truth they revealed
And the DUmmies got a big thrill
But business days turned into months
The champagne lost its chill
But business days turned into months
The champagne lost its chill!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Finally returned
There’s a presser that’s on TV
But DUmmies can feel no glee
Blagojevich the Dem is being burned

It’s beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Freudenschade time!
But the thing that will make them weep
Is that Karl is not the creep
They’ll convict of crime
They’ll convict of crime!

And now, as always, the DUmmie caterwauling is in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson–born and raised in the city of Chicago, a registered Republican during the reign of Hizzoner da Mare, Daley I–is in the [brackets]:

He’s a crook. No two ways about it. I knew he was a crook when I voted for him in the 2006 GE. . . . I did vote against Blago in the primary.

[Oh, alright then! That makes it better!]

I voted for him too, but with the assumption he’d be indicted and Quinn would step in.

[In like Quinn!]

I wonder, how is it they got him on tape, did someone set him up, or is this part of HS, and spying on everyone.

{Fitzie had probable cause and got a warrant fair-and-square. No, you can’t blame the Patriot Act for this one!]

Blagojevich may be crooked, but then what about some of the Republicans? How many of them have been indicted?

[Uh, ever heard of Blago's Repub predecessor, George Ryan? Now sitting in a jail cell. Your "Repubs get treated differently" meme won't wash.]

This guy’s name is mud now; unfortunately, the rethugs can use that mud to throw at Obama.

[Watch Obambi throw Blago under the bus first.]

Your source is the Chicago Tribune, a right-wing rag.

[The Trib hasn't been conservative in, like, over 30 or 40 years.]

Is it corruption? Maybe. Did Blagojevich commit corruption? Possibly. But I don’t know that his corruption is all that unusual.

["Staggering." "A truly new low." So says your former hero, Mr. Fitzie. Hey, I'm from Chicago, and Blago's corruption is more blatant and egregious than anything I've ever seen from any Chicago Democrat, and that's really saying something.]

Trust me…he’s a crook and a liar. . . . I hope they lock the little b*st*rd away.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!]

I’m not convinced that the “majority” of corruption cases are Republican.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL II!]

I wouldn’t know Blagojevich from a hole in the ground, but if these allegations are anywhere near true, the guy should hang.

[THEN put him in a hole in the ground.]

Lt Gov is Pat Quinn. Honest man but a little weird. . . . He always seems like his meds are wearing off.

[You ain't seen nothing like the Flighty Quinn!]

Blago and his Chief of Staff were arrested for Bribery and Mail Fraud… OMG, Arrested for trying to sell US Senate Appiontment,among other things.. I’m sick to my stomach.

[Blagoje-retch.]

The day after he speaks out against BOA, he’s arrested. How convenient.

[Or, it may have to do with arresting him before he can sell a Senate seat.]

there is nothing too small or insignificant for the DU tinfoil hats to come out. . . .

[ANYTHING to avoid having to face the truth!]

I don’t think it has anything to do with BoA. They’ve been investigating him for a while. They probably wanted to get to him before he gave away Obama’s seat to the highest bidder.

[How much will you give me for a Kewpie Doll?]

Blago is crooked, from the tiny hairs on his toes to the mass of wavy hairs on his head.

[Reality bites.]

On top of Eliot Spitzer, this is systematic.

[On top of Eliot Spitzer, this is a prostitute.]

Patrick Fitzgerald, Merry Christmas.

[Merry FITZMAS!!]

Fitz’s involvement here makes me think there’s probably plenty of fire producing the smoke.

[Blazing Blago!]

The man is a crook and deserves to be in jail. Do you want good, honest government or do you want to spread falsehoods to protect corrupt Dems?

[B, spread falsehoods to protect corrupt Dems.]

HE WAS HOLDING AN AUCTION FOR OBAMA’S Seat! Moron!

[That's "Moran!"]

I have no respect for Fitzgerald.

[The former hero of DUmmieland! How the mighty have fallen!]

It says he was attempting to buy or sell the Illinois Senate seat. WHAT????????

[Bribery, bunkie. It's a crime as old as the hills.]

Railroaded. Blago is a victim of group think. They say he is corrupt for years and eventually everyone believes it.

[They say he is corrupt for years . . . because he has been corrupt for years. Your railroad won't fly.]

Blagojevich is as corrupt as they come, and an egotistical jackass to boot.

[Picky, picky, picky. . . .]

He is a Crook of Epic proportions.

[Epic Fail!]

Why do you think he is innocent?

[Because he's a Democrat?]

Makes you wonder how corrupt an Obama administration will be.

[Ya think? Rezko . . . Blago . . . Oh, oh!]

I smell Rove/Bush all over this….something stinks…

[B.O. Plenty.]

we are so stupid. . . .

[No argument here.]

He’s got hair that rivals John Edwards for its luster. . . .

[Silky Pony-up.]

He sure curses a lot.

[Rod "(expletive)" Blagojevich would fit right in at DUmmieland.]

“F***ing Senate seat and I don’t get anything”

[Happy (expletive) birthday tomorrow, Blago!]

_ _ _ _ _

BONUS PARODY:

BLAGO’S BLUE FITZMAS
Tune: “Blue Christmas”

I’ll have a blue Fitzmas indicted
I’ll have to do something to fight it
Allegations they read of the green that I sought
Don’t mean a thing, ’cause as yet nobody’s bought

And when my blue colleagues disown me
That’s when my blue “F” words start flowing
My old pal sees my plight, but he throws me from his bus
So I’ll have a blue, blue Fitzmas

I hate this blue Fitzmas disruption
It puts a crimp in my corruption
Senate seat up for sale should bring oodles of cash
But instead I post bail and I break out in a rash

And when my blue colleagues disown me
That’s when my blue “F” words start flowing
My old pal sees my plight, but he throws me from his bus
So I’ll have a blue, blue, blue Fitzmas

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