Category: 
August 8, 2008
A great photo essay by Svilen Dimchevski
A great photo essay by Svilen Dimchevski
Aug
8
A great photo essay by Svilen Dimchevski
Aug
8
The rain has been pouring down for three days straight. I am wondering if melancholy is starting to kick in. I awoke at around 10:30 this morning but would have stayed in bed if I did not have to drive my wife to work. So like the responsible husband and man that I try to be, I climbed out from under the warm blankets and dressed.
Aug
8
This is so perfect, why didn’t I think of it? I saw this video at Cows Gone Mad and thought it was hysterical:
I just want to know when a cheeseburger IV will be available.
Aug
8
Before I start:
I’ve got a movie review of “The Reaping” today over on Moog’s Movie Reviews.
I’m not sure what a “reaping” actually is…
…but they made a movie of it anyway.
And then I watched it.
I’m so stupid.
Okay…on to my topic:
My wife just called me.
Me: “Hey, hon - what’s up?”
Wife: “I just heard a news story that says you should spend a maximum of ten minutes going to the bathroom.”
Me: “Um..well…I kind of exceeded that by about an hour this morning. And that was just my FIRST shit of the day.”
Wife: “It said that longer more than that, and you risk rupturing your anal veins and getting hemmorhoids.”
I’m not actually sure she said “anal veins” there. But it definitely was some type of ass-related vein term.
Cornhole veins?
Chocolate Starfish veins?
Sphincter veins?
(Holy shit. “The Sphincter Veins” would be an awesome name for a rock band)
I’m positive she said “hemorrhoids” though.
Ten minutes?!?
Jesus H. Christ.
It takes me ten minutes just to get comfortable…nevermind dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool.
Squashing out a loaf in under a half-hour is me making pretty good time.
I actually read Nikki Sixx’s “The Heroin Diaries” COMPLETELY while on the shitter.
This is probably bad news for my friend, Bill - who right now is actually borrowing this book.
Bill: “What the…? What’s on this page…chocolate?”
Booty veins?
Hershey Highway side roads?
What the Hell DID she say?
Doesn’t matter. I had to hang up on her anyway.
I had a big lunch.
Aug
8
When visiting South Africa, one is often confused by the fact that the person you are speaking to is speaking english, yet you don’t seem to be able to understand what he is saying because of the strange words he is using.
What you need is a guide to South African slang. So here is a quick whip through of some common slang, provided for you by a local who grew up in the surf and city culture of Durban, South Africa.
Howzit. This is a greeting, short for How is it? It’s used like the greeting Hi.
Braai. A Barbecue. Virtually anything edible goes on a braai, including beef, chicken, fish, potatoes, sandwiches, mushrooms, shark (really), crocodiles (not whole, and not often, but it happens!) and of course Boerewors.
Boerewors. A very long beef sausage that you cook on the braai. Often refered to as just wors. Usually rolled into a spiral shape so it can fit.
Biltong. Dried (raw) salted and spiced meat, like beef jerky. Made from various meats including beef, game, ostridge and even fish. Extremely tasty and popular.
Bunny Chow. A half loaf of bread, with the inside bread taken out and filled with either vegetable or beef curry, and then the removed bread stuck back on top. It sounds primitive, but in fact is very tasty, especially after a long days fishing.
Isit. The 2 words ‘is it’ said as one, and meaning the same as ‘really’ or ‘is that so.’
Kief. Really nice. Like ‘That’s a kief shirt dude.’
Eish. Exclaimation of surprise or dismay, or even sympathy.
Bro or Bru. As in ‘Howzit Bru’ a greeting to a friend, short for brother in a loose sense.
Check. Look at. ‘Check that Keif chick’ = Look at that lovely woman.
Scaly. Not nice at all ‘Check that scaly ouk’ = look at that disreputable guy.
ouk or ou. A guy or man. Normally youngish. An old man is called ‘an ou ballie.’
ekse. As in “Cool ekse” = Nice hey?
Gif and Durban Gif. Marijuana or dagga as it’s known here. Literally ‘Poison.’ Can also mean Nice or potent, as in ‘I had a gif date my Bru!’
Bliksem. Exclaimation of surprise or pain. Lit. ‘Lightning.’ Some Afrikaans speaking people take offence at this word, for reasons unknown.
Jislaaik. An expression of amazement, like Gosh or Wow.
My China. My friend.
Clutchplate. Traffic policeman. NEVER say this to a traffic policeman.
My stukkie. My girlfriend. A term not particularly liked by the ladies. Means literally ‘My piece.’
Brak. Scruffy stray dog of indeterminate parentage.
Flatdog. Crocodile. Sometimes also referred to as speedbumps, from their habit of crossing national roads. However, these speedbumps tend to dislodge and remove both axles of your vehicle.
Vrot. Pronounced Frot. Rotten. Of bad quality.
Tune. Say. As in “Don’t tune me grief” = don’t say irritating things to me.
chuck. Go. ‘I’m chucking to town my china.’
Pozzie. House or home. “Meet you at my possie”
Jawl. Party or night out.
So there you have a brief list to get you going. String a couple of those together and you should get by! If you say it wrong the locals will let you off because of your strange accent, large camera and funny clothes!
Aug
8
she is not dead holy fuck did anyone see her die NO plus she was sitting in front of the store not laying dead anyhoo id like to get the douche bag who did this to her and possibly rape him with a knife or a hot pot of coffee 
Aug
8
The clock is ticking. Only five months and change to get impeachment done. So why isn’t the Democrat Congress doing anything? DUmmie answer: Complicit Dems and the Braunschweiger Theory. It will all become clear in a moment, grasshopper, as we explore this THREAD, “We are all very clever with our posts on how to impeach & try Bush Co for the crimes.” So let us now enjoy a Pelosi-on-wry with Bermuda Red opinions, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, still savoring the Swedish pancakes with lingonberries and meatballs he had for breakfast today in Door County, Wisconsin, is sandwiched between the [brackets]:
We are all very clever with our posts . . .
[Well, that’s open to debate.]
on how to impeach & try Bush Co for the crimes. . . .
[Yes! IMPEACH NOW! The crimes! The crimes! . . . Uh, what crimes?]
But, the dem leadership DOES NOT WANT TO DO IT.
[IMPEACH THE DEM LEADERSHIP!]
They are complicit.
[COMPLICIT CONTEMPT! TO THE HAGUE WITH THEM!]
You really want to take down Bush & Co - you have to take down every damn complicit dem who will sell out our entire nation to protect their own sorry azz.
[DOWN WITH THE DEMOCRATS! DOWN WITH THE . . . Say, isn’t this DEMOCRATIC Underground?]
We have to show up at Pelosi’s office by the hundreds of thousands - if not millions . . .
[If not BILLIONS!]
and say ‘ENOUGH IS A F*CKING ‘NOUGH’!
[Know Your Power! Speak Truth to Power! ‘ENOUGH IS A FUCKING ‘NOUGH’!
And Nancy will reply: “Buy my book. Please.”]
I am spitting bile. I am pissed.
[Ewww! You’re a mess! Remind me to stay away from you!! Anyhow, thank you, DUmmie debbierlus, and now let’s see if your fellow DUmmies share your excretions of bodily fluids.]
I think it boils down to their being complicit, and how the sh*tstorm it would stir up would blow through them, too.
[OK, we’ve had spit and bile and piss, now we’ve got a boiling, blowing sh*tstorm. Continue, DUmmie calimary . . .]
Once upon a time, my dad used to like to raid the refrigerator late at night - when he thought my mom was asleep, and nobody would catch him cheating on his diet. One night, though, I caught him. I think I was seven or eight years old at the time. He was reaching for the Braunschweiger (HORRIBLY fattening liver sausage - don’t knock it til you’ve tried it). Was gonna make himself a Braunschweiger sandwich. He motioned to me to be quiet, and then handed me a slice, which I eagerly ate. I liked Braunschweiger, too. I realized (and I knew he knew) that he was buying my silence by bringing me in on his little “crime.” Because I had some, too, he figured - correctly - that I would be much less likely to rat him out to Mom.
[DUmmie calimary unveils her Braunschweiger Theory of Democrat Complicity. Please continue . . .]
I think about that little episode every time I think about the Dems and their relationship to bush/cheney, the lies, the war, the Patriot Act, the trashing of the Constitution, and the IMPEACHMENT they’re just too chicken to push for. I think this White House shared the proverbial Braunschweiger with them and they all blew their diets together one quiet late night.
[Braunschweiger makes them too chicken to impeach.]
I remember how easily he just sliced off a hunk of it for me - almost without even thinking, like it was second nature to him. Yes, I can be bought! He had a very good understanding about human nature.
[So what is the hunk of proverbial Braunschweiger that Bush shared with Pelosi? Did he promise to buy her bust-selling book?]
Yeah, I know. OY! My arteries!!! I still think of my dad sneaking down to the kitchen. . . .
[OK, that’s enough, DUmmie calimary. Your extended Braunschweiger analogy has become tiresome.]
Maybe Pelosi likes Braunschweiger, too. I wouldn’t be surprised at how LOW her “price” might be.
[Amazon has now discounted her book to $16.29. Wait a few days and it’ll be in the dollar bin at your local Borders.]
She could be bought with a chocolate-covered cat turd, probably.
[Litterally.]
You nailed it –it’s a two step and both parties are dancing. . . .
[DNC-ing with the Tsars.]
We need to do something. We have to FORCE them to act.
[DUAC! DUAC!]
I am going to contact Kucinich & see what type of movement might be effective.
[Eat too much Braunschweiger and there’s bound to be a movement. And yes, by all means, contact Kucinich. He is the MASTER of effective campaigns.]
Plan a strategy. And, we ALL have to show up.
[Hundreds of thousands of you! MILLIONS of you! At Pelosi’s office!]
I can’t live with this anger. And, I can’t ignore it.
[EXPLODE!!!]
We have to stop this insanity.
[In your case, easier said than done.]
We have to impeach & try these criminals.
[TO THE HAGUE WITH THEM! STRING ‘EM UP! THE COMPLICIT DEMS, TOO!]
We have to throw Pelosi on the heap with Joe Lieberman.
[Eww! Unpleasant mental image! Cleansing thoughts, cleansing thoughts. . . .]
Make an example of her.
[Scarlet letter? Public flogging? Don’t buy her book? No wait, you’re already doing that. . . . Wait, I’ve got it! BURRRNNNNN HER! SHE’S A WITCH!!!]
we know and they (Congress) know very well that this thuggish administration has committed numerous crimes . . .
[. . . which . . . I can’t think of at the moment, but they are . . . numerous.]
We are pretty much f*cked as it stands.
[Who’s that there with you, benburch?]
Impeach the motherf*ckers!!!
[Why??? For what??? ‘Cause you’ve got a case of BDS???
Oh, one more thing . . . Tick, tock. Tick, tock. . . .]
Aug
8
Anything that gets in the way of driving their kid to soccer practice, such as a trolley line or an S&M dungeon, is called a “boondoggle” by NIMBYs. NIMBYs don’t live in cities, they live in “communities”. They often depict public works projects as evil monstrosities infecting their humble little towns with noise, pollution, and cooties.
Aug
7
oh my, televangelist joel osteen has quite a spouse.
apparently, she got in a little tussle over spilt milk with the wrong flight attendant over two and half years ago, and now finds herself on the wrong end of a rather bizarre civil suit that could cost her ten percent of the good fortune she has been blessed with as part of the financial harvesting plan her husband joel and a few others have concocted with god.
oh she’s a feisty one she is, who seemed to believe the wet spot that greeted her on her first class seat needed to be cleaned up by someone other than herself immediately, while the plane was a buzz with boarding passengers.
hence the flight attendant.
hence the she-said-she-said altercation that ensued.
who knows what really happened—god possibly but i’m not so sure about that for this one.
and as far as civil suits go, this is about as what’s wrong with our justice system as it can get—a perfect waste of courtroom air-conditioned air if you ask me.
a joke really.
having said all that, there is still something the troubles me.
and it’s mrs. osteen quite honestly.
there are three facts that strike me: first class, a little spill on a seat, and attitude.
so i find myself asking, what would jesus have done?
well, i’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be in first class (probably would have chosen to walk).
but let’s say jesus was in a hurry (possibly to get to a dinner with his disciples or something), so he obtains a last row, middle seat in coach (because that’s what he would do) but the ticket guy at the gate recognizes him and puts him in first class.
it’s possible.
anyway, he walks to his seat and sees a little wet spot.
so he does a little hocus-pocus and turns it into a glass of chardonnay (because he can do that sort of thing).
and he sits down and mumbles a little prayer on behalf of the person responsible for the little spill.
now if anyone should know that’s exactly what jesus would have done, it should be the co-pastor of the biggest church this side of … of … well of heaven i guess.
but she didn’t.
instead, she behaved so unlike what she preaches?
why?
i think it’s because she is a smarty pants, doesn’t really preach jesus-like at all.
a perfect waste of cathedral air-conditioned air.
a joke really.
Aug
7
Here’s a nice little Bible story for the kids. (Numbers 15:32-36) While the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering sticks on the sabbath day. They brought him to Moses who asked God what they should do with him. God said the congregation should stone the man to death. So they did as the Lord commanded.
So, apparently, the penalty for breaking the sabbath is death. In fact, the rule is spelled out in Exodus:
Exodus 31:15 Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.
And for the Christian apologists who claim that the New Testament waived the requirement that those who break the sabbath should be killed, here are the next two verses:
Exodus 31:16 Wherefore the children of Israel shall keep the sabbath, to observe the sabbath throughout their generations, for a perpetual covenant.
Exodus 31:17 It is a sign between me and the children of Israel for ever: for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day he rested, and was refreshed.
Don’t “perpetual” and “for ever” mean forever? Or did eternity end when the NT was written? And if it does mean forever, why aren’t Christians stoning each other in the streets?
It’s an abomination! (For more on abominations, see my last post.)
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